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Relationships
Isn't It Queer: Various Reckonings
My past few months have been full of reckoning, I treat emotional growth like I’m trying to compete in it in the next Olympics. I have been reckoning with the self, among other things, including pickle jars, dense psychoanalysis texts, and verbalizing my needs and limits, with the intention of forcefully molding my life into something that has a place for me inside of it. In this episode of Isn’t It Queer? I’d like to share the artistic product of the emotional reckonings, which for me are almost always in the form of poetry.
The reason I adore poetry and prefer it as my artistic medium is because poetry has the power to create spaces to custom define emotions (see Sacred Catharsis) In a culture that struggles to define, identify and share emotions, poems are the jaws of life that pry open language, allowing us to share more accurately how we feel. As such, I feel the only accurate way to truly let others experience what I’m feeling, to really show them my mushy insides, is to hand them the poetry I created in vulnerable moments.
In the past six months I've abandoned self-suffocating habits, unhealthy workplaces and relationships where my authentic self was not valued. I began to demand that the people in my life see me for who I am, support me with respect and communication, and inspire my personal growth.I’ve come out of closets, insisted that family meet my needs, handed my heart to a lover and had it handed back broken, and reflected on painful experiences in youth. The poems I share below are the emotional excess, the shed skin of my experience as I come face to face with my fragility and pride.
Reckoning Part 1: Park Bench Humanity
My heartbreak floats, buoyant as a lily in the echo park lake.
Both are man made.
But mine is pure honey, made of basil and sage and absolute redemption.
Because I have learned to love wholeheartedly in a world of people terrified of their humanity.
The bitter pill of your heart's insurrection got lost somewhere beneath the park bench,
Because I didn't feel like getting high today.
And I am juggling blades of grass and little grey pebbles, and just a few tears.
Just a few little salty heart clippings,
That I can afford to spare.
Still in my memory you are perfect,
Your selfish and coward are dangling in front of you like strings of fake diamonds,
A failed decoy.
And it hurts to feel this open and forgiving.
My ego misses me dearly.
But being alone without her bleating fury has been the most beautiful genderless bliss.
Reckoning Part II: For Lindsay
I was pre-hatched and featherless
beside you. Your
lanky appendages clung
like gravity to every breathable surface of my
bleeding skin and I wanted
to be your freckle constellation
in a universe etched in sulky charcoal.
Inside your shell
I was somebody's everything
or maybe
I was just (apologetic for my existence)
somebody.
I was light, traced rainbows,
born of broken glass.
A full spectrum of gorgeous melancholy. A doll.
You were the only eyes present during
my loveless marriage with invisibility.
You were the only hands
that held a face
that rained perpetually for eight years,
that held a body that fell to
brittle bones and shriveled prune skin,
while the world
spun recklessly unaware of my dieing.
You, doting owl, are the sole reason these fingertips
lived to kiss another’s lips,
and you wish to this day that I’d saved those print kisses for yours.
But I didn’t.
You saw a soul, where that soul saw nothing.
My sorry shoulders shrug gratitude and gluey guilt,
that after you fed me air I flew rapidly.
Too fast for your garden,
and I love you,
gravity,
clingy lanky lover
of hatchlings and dolls.
I am forever a bow bending in gratitude, wishing a dismissive arrow with my actions.
The irony of your gift was my realization
that I am not porcelain, nor stars.
You gifted me with flight and I ripped off those wings and ran for it.
Some friend.
Reckoning Part III: It Snows Different in California
The cigarette next to me is beginning to snow,
Little flakes of ash decorate my black jeans
I'm alone.
Sourly indulging in my grief.
I picked my poison carefully.
The sound of white men's heart break.
An Arian mourning hymnal
It's like over brewed black tea tastes.
Bitter and delightful to the swollen hearted beasts that congregate here.
The people here want to be seen,
And so do I, but I want it in a painful way, the way people want to be seen when
they've frequented invisibility.
No aim to gain by appearing,
just the hesitance of a reckoning with oneself.
The man next to me just bumped himself with a different kind of snow and I wonder how people who do cocaine survive a month of heartbreak.
The bearded man across from me looks like someone who prides himself on his Instagram following,
On his arm is a cheap Khalysee who shops at h&m.
They look happy together as they share judgments and giggles on an oak bar bench.
It's the first time other people's love doesn't infuriate me.
Progress can be measured in the number of your freckles you've learned to forgive,
for being burn marks from the sun that gave you life.
-To your personal revolts and riots and especially to your learning,
Cory
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Cory is a poet and novelist in the Los Angeles area. They have worked in mental health, education, social justice and fashion blogging and aims to lead by example through bravely living an examined lifestyle.
"The learning process is something you can incite, literally incite, like a riot." -Audre Lorde
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There are photographs in this post that were borrowed lovingly from the internet and do not belong to us. All are linked and credited to the best of our abilities in hopes of attracting more traffic to the photographers and websites who have blessed us with this imagery. The inclusion of a photograph here should not be interpreted as an assertion of the subject’s or artist’s identity or beliefs. If there is a photo included here that belongs to you and you want it removed, please email compassionaterevolt@gmail.com and it will be removed promptly, no questions asked.
MHM 14: Queering Consent
Good Morning Revolutionaries!
We hope you all had a lovely weekend!
We're so excited to be ramping up for the Contemporary Relationships Conference this weekend in Austin, TX! We're going to be giving a workshop on Queering Consent: Navigating Relationships Outside of the Hetero AND Homo Normative.
In this episode of the podcast we talk about the essential components of consent and why it's so important for happy, healthy and fulfilled individuals, relationships and sexual interactions!
Stay tuned! In upcoming weeks we'll post helpful worksheets from the workshop and give a recap of how our time in Austin went!
Take a listen!
http://traffic.libsyn.com/compassionaterevolt/MHM_14_Queering_Consent.mp3
As always you can reach us at…
compassionaterevolt@gmail.com
www.compassionaterevolt.wordpress.com
In COM|PASSionate REVOLUTION,
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Skye is a youth worker, educator, activist and white transmasculine human. Traci is a therapist, yoga teacher, educator and queer vegan femme-inist of color. They reside, practice, navigate, process, survive and flourish in the Southern California area. Read more at http://compassionaterevolt.libsyn.com/#ALOPKXTgZdITBBRC.99
Isn't it Queer?: Poly-Ponderings on Love, Sex and Connection in Abundance
Hello Vibrant Souls! Today on Isn't It Queer? I bring you thoughts, ideas, dilemmas and revelations from a queer, polyamorous, purveyor of love, sex, and connection, Dia Davina. To preface our plunge into that sparkling can of omni-sexual worms, watch this incredible spoken-word piece/delicious real talk, from Dia Davina about the challenges and rewards of poly-life:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smfk1JyQ9H4
The Polyamorous Mating Habits of the North American Red Squirrel
Dia Davina's piece rocks my fucking rainbow socks, not to mention, they are so attractive, charming and articulate, it nearly blinded me. Hey Dia, I know three lovers is already a lot, but hit me up. Their piece illuminates the unique challenges that poly people take on when choosing to live an alternative lifestyle: the social pressure and frequent questioning from outside parties, the lack of support from family, the lack of good poly role models to learn from, the daily face to face battle with jealousy or possessiveness and the negative impact those emotions can have on relationships. Davina's piece gives poly folks the gift of not romanticizing or glorifying poly relationships. Speaking anecdotally, there is a tendency in groups that live alternative lifestyles to feel pressure to depict their community as having chosen the ideal, revelatory, revolutionary, and flawless life style choice and the one with the most benefits, rather than just a life choice. When the reality is, people with multiple lovers, partners or spouses, also come with childhood trauma. They are also prone to feeling jealous, not feeling worthy, struggling to keep promises, and a whole assortment of other very human behaviors. Because -crazy concept- poly people are human, as fickle, inspiring, and full of potential, as is implied.
Davina's piece, boldly and honestly, shows the challenges that poly lovers face, touching on everything from having to remember the precious details of each interaction with each of your lovers -citing emotionally fatal text message errors- to the revelation that having a plethora of partners, does not numb the very real pain of heart break, no matter how much incredible support our abundant community lends us. My favorite point Davina makes, remarks on the dilemma that poly life and successfully navigating multiple love relationships has no formula or road map. Making it perhaps one of the scariest life style choices in love, sex and connection. A majority of poly folks do not have parents in the lifestyle to model their practices on, and in all reality, a large number are attempting this lifestyle in order to escape some of the emotional stagnation they saw in previous generation's monogamous tendencies. Making our "best practice" a brand new uncharted territory, that is frequently debated. "How do I tell my partner I need to spend time with my other partner in their time of need?", " How do I explain that I am not interested in the same sexual practices with one partner as I am the other?", "How do I ask my partner to take responsibility for their jealousy?" "How are all of my partners having their period on the same day?", "How do I process feelings of jealousy around my partner's new partner?" Also, most prevalently, "what the holy fuck am I doing?"
Being brave enough to take on your jealousy and apprehension in order to obtain abundance, is stressful. It is hard to take on a lifestyle that is stigmatized by the predominant culture, and equally exhausting being called "greedy" or "damaged" and having your relationship choices be repeatedly invalidated. It is refreshing to hear a piece that does not spend it's time justifying our lifestyle to monogamous individuals (which is necessary at times) but instead validates the experience and struggles of those seeking their abundance despite great struggle. The piece is cathartic to listen to, hysterically funny, and as a political piece of art, it does justice to the poly-lifestyle, by portraying poly individuals as the diverse, emotionally complex, humans that we are.
-To your personal revolts and riots and especially to your learning,
Cory
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Cory is a poet and novelist in the Los Angeles area. They have worked in mental health, education, social justice and fashion blogging and they aim to lead by example by bravely living an examined lifestyle.
"The learning process is something you can incite, literally incite, like a riot."
Audre Lord
de
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**ATTENTION ALL RED SQUIRRELS** COM|PASSionate REVOLT will be at the Contemporary Relationships Conference in Austin, TX on May 15 + 16, 2015 doing a workshop on Queering Consent: Navigating Consent Outside of the Hetero AND Homo Normative.
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There are photographs in this post that were borrowed lovingly from the internet and do not belong to us. All are linked and credited to the best of our abilities in hopes of attracting more traffic to the photographers and websites who have blessed us with this imagery. The inclusion of a photograph here should not be interpreted as an assertion of the subject’s or artist’s identity or beliefs. If there is a photo included here that belongs to you and you want it removed, please email compassionaterevolt@gmail.com and it will be removed promptly, no questions asked.