Community is a magnificent and elusive creature. We don’t always find it when we’re desperately looking for it and sometimes it finds us when we’d least expect it.
Back in 2014 I stumbled across a Psychology Today community post looking for submissions for a Contemporary Relationships Conference (run by the graceful powerhouse of a community leader and advocate that is Jeff Lutes) being held in Austin, TX. While I’d long been offering education and workshops in my local community, I hadn’t yet really traveled to speak anywhere. Admittedly, on a bit of a deep breath and a whim, I applied with the workshop, “Queering Consent: Navigating Relationships Outside of the Hetero AND Homo Normative.” I was as terrified as I was excited when I got the thumbs up from the program committee. Was I really going to take my little queer Asian ass to Texas to speak about how to appropriately and radically engage in sex and kink and love with multiple partners at a church (which was where the conference was being held that year)?
I can think of no better example of the magic of queer kismet.
I ran into wonderful community both at the conference and the surrounding area. I marveled at needing to slow down my manic Los Angeles pace to appreciate how being out around town actually had a really similar vibe to being at home in Hawaii if I exchanged the “Tanks eh, bruddahs!” and Locals sandals for some “Welcome ya’lls!” and un-ironic cowboy boots. Post conference I had the immense good fortune of ending up in a group outing to Cheer Up Charlies (still one of my all time favorite queer bars) led by some fabulous locals (amazing safe spaces + gender-affirming radical therapists Lindsay Lege and Adam Mauer). I had amazing vegan biscuits and gravy, became a die-hard fan of Yellowbird hot sauce, and found my favorite Fine Southern Gentleman t-shirt which I love to wear absolutely ironically with cowboy boots and cutoffs or Doc Martens and a tuxedo blazer… it really is an irreplaceable staple wardrobe piece.
Since that first conference, I’ve also presented on destigmatizing porn, helped out with the program committee for the conference (coming up in May!), and also feel really honored to be tapped to take part in the new QTAP (Queer and Trans Affirming Provider) Certification Program as a Board Member, Consultant, and Faculty Provider.
Thanks, ya’ll, you never know where a deep breath and good community is going to take you.
Find out more about The Contemporary Relationships Conference and the inaugural QTAP FastTrack Certification here: https://www.contemporaryrelationships.com/
In queer kismet,
T
Contemporary Relationships
Contemporary Relationships Conference is Almost Here!
Heading to ATX next week for the Contemporary Relationships Conference May 13th & 14th!
Excited for Clearing the Cache while Lindsay Legé presents on Poly 101 (a sneak peak of our new online course) hosted on Queer University! Read workshop descriptions below:
Clearing the Cache:
Demystifying and Destigmatizing the Consumption of Pornography in Contemporary Relationships (Crail B)
Traci Medeiros-Bagan, LMFT- Anaheim, CA, and Kristel Penn, BA - Los Angeles, CA
There is a lot of work done around the problematic nature of pornography: how it represents our sexuality, what the acceptable amount (if any) it’s okay to consume, and the politics of the industry itself. Even the most sex positive of individuals, couples, and providers may find themselves a bit shy when it comes to our own personal browser histories. Still, the numbers remain the same. The industry continues to boom. There is a lot of porn being watched and not always by the demographic you might think. So why is there so much shame around it? If we’re all doing it, why can’t we talk about it? Is it possible that breaking the silence around the consumption of commodified sexuality might also shed some light on our most private pieces of identities and relationships?
Start the discussion around destigmatizing and demystifying our culture’s consumption of pornography.
Create a basis for the consideration that there are ways the consumption of pornography may have value and empowerment properties for the individual and the relationship.
Give some recommendations on how to open up communication about what we are drawn to, why, and how it can increase intimacy and self-awareness.
Poly 101, or 2, or 3 . . . (Crail B)
Lindsay Legé, LMSW - Austin, TX
Poly 101, or 2, or 3 . . . will offer the workshop participant a basic understanding of types of non-monogamous relationships they might encounter personally or professionally. The group will engage in some “Myth Busting” around understanding non-monogamy in a monogamous culture and will be encouraged to internally explore their own biases. Initial recommendations will be made on how to assess for readiness to work with this population and how to move towards being an affirming and knowledgeable clinician. Lastly, the workshop will offer resources for further study.
Participants will gain basic knowledge around definitions and an understanding of differences between identities and relationship structures.
Participants will have common myths dispelled and assess for their own internal biases about working with this population.
Participants will leave with a list of resources to take away and recommendations for continuing study.
MHM 16: Contemporary Relationships Wrap-Up
Hey Everyone! We're back from Austin! Actually, have been for a couple of weeks- sorry for the delay!
http://traffic.libsyn.com/compassionaterevolt/MHM_16_Contemporary_Relationships.mp3
We wanted to talk a little bit about our trip generally and also share some take-aways from the workshops that we attended. Below are the full titles, speakers names and any other link information we could wrestle up!
- The Center for Lesbian and Gay Studies in Religion and Ministry Resources
- Transitioning to Inclusion: Embracing Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Questioning Youth in Faith Communities
- Transitioning to Inclusion: A guide to welcoming transgender children and their families in your community of faith
- Forgiveness- What is it?
- Mary Wilson, MDiv and Rebekka Falk-Jones, MDiv, MS
- Are You Ready to Become a Parent?
- Andy Miller, MHSE, MCHES, and Sally Bennett, LCSW
- Handsome Father
- Just Like Me: Attachment THrough Mirroring, Idealizing, andTwinship in Romantic Relationships
- Joanna Ricco, MS, MFTI, and Denise BRaken, MSW
- Becoming Parents: Queer People Having Babies
- Christy Tashjian, CPM, LM, MSN, WHNP and Jenni Huntly
- MotherBloom Midwifery
- Solution-Focused Brief Therapy With Trans and Gender Variant Couples
- Rebekka Ouer, LCSW,
- Dallas Rainbow Counseling
We feel so lucky to be able to share these resources with you and Austin treated us so well! Thanks Contemporary Relationships!
As always you can reach us at…
compassionaterevolt@gmail.com
www.compassionaterevolt.wordpress.com
In COM|PASSionate REVOLUTION,
———-
Skye is a youth worker, educator, activist and white transmasculine human. Traci is a therapist, yoga teacher, educator and queer vegan femme-inist of color. They reside, practice, navigate, survive and flourish in the Southern California area. The Mental Health Mash-Up is their offering of thoughts, process and tips towards mental health and wellness as queer folks navigating the intersections of stigma, oppression and identities.
COM|PASSionate Events
Ahoy REVOLUTIONARIES! We're back from our Austin adventure and have so much to tell you! We'll give you more details on Monday's Mental Health Mash-Up!
Until then, here's some revolutionary activity to engage in over the next week and also some words of wisdom from Alabama Shakes:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ryqds_o17xU
EVENTS
Get out, take care of yourself and heal in community!
- FRIDAY 5.22.15 Bones + Breath Yoga, Deep Dog, Yorba Linda* (Class time changes NEXT week!)
- SATURDAY 5.23.15 Greet the Day Yoga, Deep Dog, Yorba Linda*
MONDAY 5.25.15 Acoustic Flow Yoga,NO CLASS THIS WEEK DUE TO MEMORIAL DAY! COME HANG OUT NEXT WEEK!- WEDNESDAY 5.27.15 Midweek Mindfulness Practice, Deep Dog, Yorba Linda*
ANNOUNCEMENTS
Don't forget there's lots of upcoming ways to get involved!
- California Women of Color Herbal Symposium is coming up on 5/22/15-5/24/15. It's a little out of our budget but, oh, how our dirty hippie social justice inspired little hearts did a pitter patter when they noticed this event pop up! Check it out for us if you can!
- All of these internet shenanigans too much? Need to digitally detox? How about checking out Camp Grounded: Summer Camp for Adults!
- Gender Spectrum is coming up in July! "Gender Spectrum provides education, training and support to help create a gender sensitive and inclusive environment for all children and teens." They run an annual conference in Berkeley, CA for youth, families and professionals! Go check them out! Registration is now open! They are also looking for volunteers!
RECOMMENDATIONS
Some thoughts on feelings...
This Feeling {Alabama Shakes}
"I just kept hoping, I just kept hoping
The way would become clear
I spent all this time tryna play nice and
Fight my way hereSee, I've been having me a real hard time
But it feels so nice to know I'm gonna be alright
So I just kept dreaming, yeah, I just kept dreaming It wasn't very hard I spent all this time tryna figure out why Nobody on my side
See, I've been having me a real god time And it feels so nice to know I'm gonna be alright
So please don't take my feelings I have found at last So please don't take my feelings I have found at last Yeah, if I wanted to... I'd be alright
So I just kept going, I just kept going And hoping I'm growing near Well this good and fine, I spent all this time Tryna find my way here
And I've been having me a real fun time And it feels so nice to know I'm gonna be alright
Please don't take this feeling I have found at last Please don't take my feeling I have found at last If I wanted to, I'd be alright Yeah, if I wanted to, I'd be alright"
In feelings,
(Currently, sitting in being "alright.")
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*Events are put on by the CR Community/CR Community members. Other events are by friends of the CR Community or of interest to the CR Community. Feeling a little nervous about getting out and involved? Email us and if we can we'll make some introductions so you have a friendly face to say "Hi" to when you get there!
**Most of these events will be local to Southern CA (unless we notice an event that sets us off into road trip dreamland.) If you want to do a COM|PASSionate event round-up for your local area let us know!
***Are you an individual, meet-up or community group that has some COM|PASSionate events of your own? Email us for details on how to submit your event to our calendar!
compassionaterevolt@gmail.com
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There are photographs in this post that were borrowed lovingly from the internet and do not belong to us. All are linked and credited to the best of our abilities in hopes of attracting more traffic to the photographers and websites who have blessed us with this imagery. The inclusion of a photograph here should not be interpreted as an assertion of the subject's or artist's identity or beliefs. If there is a photo included here that belongs to you and you want it removed, please email compassionaterevolt@gmail.com and it will be removed promptly, no questions asked.
MHM 15: Greetings from Austin!
Hey all! Guess where we are?? We're enjoying our last morning in Austin, TX!
We're writing this a bit ahead of time to get you the Mash-Up on Monday, but we're pretty sure the conference went awesome and we met some wonderful people! We'll tell you a bit more about that next week.
For the time being we wanted to share some COM|PASSionate Consent Worksheets we made for our little Queering Consent Playshop at the Contemporary Relationships Conference this past weekend!
First up! COM|PASSionate Preference Exploration Flow Chart
While "No, means, NO," is an important place to start in any consent conversation we realize that their are a multitude of layers underlying our ability to say, NO, clearly when we need to. There are also a multitude of layers that inhibit us from saying, YES, when we want to. This cycle multiplies and complicates with each level of intersection- especially for queer folks who spend a lot of time being told they're... well, queer (and not in the good way.) This COM|PASSionate Preference Chart can be used to neutralize and explore your interests, preferences, inclinations and, all out, turn ons. It's a starting point to "getting down with your desires and under the covers with your body boundaries," so you can start a dialogue with your body that informs how you articulate personal consent.
Here's an example of the chart filled in:
Next Up! COM|PASSionate Boundaries Worksheet
Now that you've flow-charted your way through any preferences that need a little more exploration you might want to start thinking about what your body/language/preference boundaries are over all. This chart can help you get organized about boundaries you might want to hold for yourself as well as things you might want to express to current or future partner|s.
Here's an example of the COM|PASSionate Boundaries Worksheet filled in:
Last, but not least! A quick COM|PASSionate Wishlist, Adventurous Ideas + Places to Avoid Chart
This is a quick way to document your preferences and boundaries for yourself or to share with a partner. This list is moveable, changeable and expires at the writer's will!
Here's an example of the list filled in:
So, until next time, we hope that you all have a wonderful week of consensual and fulfilling play and exploration with yourself and others!
Lastly, if you're still confused about consent but understand the etiquette of tea (or if you're anyone on this planet that interacts with anyone else on the planet) watch this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQbei5JGiT8
As always you can reach us at…
compassionaterevolt@gmail.com
www.compassionaterevolt.wordpress.com
In COM|PASSionate REVOLUTION,
———-
Skye is a youth worker, educator, activist and white transmasculine human. Traci is a therapist, yoga teacher, educator and queer vegan femme-inist of color. They reside, practice, navigate, survive and flourish in the Southern California area. The Mental Health Mash-Up is their offering of thoughts, process and tips towards mental health and wellness as queer folks navigating the intersections of stigma, oppression and identities.