This amazing FREE online conference just traipsed through my social networks! Check out the amazing list of speakers and workshops!
Shake the Dust 2016 Special
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For all the heartbreak dreamers waiting for the light
Looking for just one reason to get through the night
Every long lost believer caught in the fight
All the heartbreak dreamers gonna be alright
~Matt Kearney
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What is it that you're taking from 2015 and what are you letting go?
What do you want from the year to come?
Invest in yourself this year! Get clear! Move forward! Nurture the most authentic version of yourself! Manifest the life you want to be living!
What are you waiting for?
The Pivot: Mind the Gap
I am a writer. This has been a core part of my identity since second grade when I won a red ribbon in a county writing contest. We were asked to reimagine a fairy tale and I selected Little Red Riding Hood. Red, upon seeing grandma had been offed by the wolf, took it upon herself to call the Supreme Court (there was an impossibly expedient direct line for animalistic murders within the cottage, naturally) and have him tried for his crimes. Justice was served, the end.
It was obvious then that I was destined to put pen to paper. The only way anyone knew what I was thinking or feeling was when I would write stuff down. I didn’t know any other way. I still don’t without prolonged pauses to reflect and comb through data/feelings. Yet I resisted writing in my adult years, insisting to myself that I needed a real job. Practicality nearly killed my creativity. That resistance, I realize now, was not to writing, but to vulnerability. I was scared of showing my messy to the general public, let alone those close to me. Still, here I am, splitting my ribcage open and inviting you to poke around, awkwardly leaning in to the discomfort of it.
What I’ve been reading lately centers on this topic. Vulnerability cannot exist without connection, and connection is why we’re here. My existence is about finding it and cultivating it. And damn, it’s a brutal, worthwhile struggle. What I once conceived of as strength was thinly veiled stoicism fueled by fear and pain. I spent entire relationships hiding behind stone walls, fearing that my partner would leave if I deviated from my own misguided notions of strength. Real strength, I learned, began when I advocated for my own needs. Easier said than done.
Mind the gap, they say. Mind the gap between where you are and where you want to be. This starts with knowing oneself. Sounds simple enough, right? “We can’t give people what we don’t have. Who we are matters immeasurably more than what we know or who we want to be,” writes Brene Brown, a shame and vulnerability researcher. In picking up her bestseller, I realized I was stumbling into the gap.
I reached a turning point when, at 28, I found myself dating again. Now a grown up, single, out queerdo, I started from scratch. I knew how to talk about what I knew--my job, my rats, dull surface conversation. The self-assured facade I maintained at work and among friends crumbled when people wanted to know who I really was. My blase habit of deflecting answers did not suffice. I intuitively held space for them to open up but flailed when that space was actually held. I didn’t know what to do when that spotlight turned my way. When they realized that I had no clue, they bailed. Who can really blame them? I tried, believe me I tried. (In the future I will devote an entire post to how I identify dichotomously with Shane and Alice from the L Word, but that is another thing entirely)
Caught up in the pursuit of an ideal me, I was scraping my knees in the attempt to meet every bit of feedback and criticism with being better, penitent for the shortcomings I didn’t know I had. There were numerous fights, breakdowns, and breakups. In seeing myself through the eyes of my partners, I feverishly hacked away at flaws that might be better smoothed by a lathe. Or sandpaper. If in fact these were flaws at all. I saw where I wanted to be and I flung myself at their mercy. I was not worthy.
Why did I value their opinions so highly? When you spend a decade surrounding yourself with people who are too fleeting or numb to care, too naive to know better, or too scared to push you off a pedestal, you don’t expect real. You forget that it exists. You recognize the value of real and you nearly lose yourself trying not to lose it.
Now I’m in this process. Aided by conversations, research, family (chosen and blood), and time, I’m sifting through my stuff. Daring to be real with people is to say I am worthy of my standards and my boundaries because they are mine and they are valid. I am still figuring me out and I don’t know what parts of me will be left behind or what will be carried through--and I am ok with that. It’s totally uncomfortable, but I’m pursuing it relentlessly, all while making sure I don’t freefall again.
Now, because it makes me feel warm and fuzzy, I will leave you with this:
“This is what I have found: To let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen ... to love with our whole hearts, even though there's no guarantee -- and that's really hard, and I can tell you as a parent, that's excruciatingly difficult -- to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror, when we're wondering, "Can I love you this much? Can I believe in this this passionately? Can I be this fierce about this?" just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say, "I'm just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive." And the last, which I think is probably the most important, is to believe that we're enough. Because when we work from a place, I believe, that says, "I'm enough" ... then we stop screaming and start listening, we're kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we're kinder and gentler to ourselves.”
-Brene Brown, TEDxHouston
See You Soon,
Ky
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is a genderqueer, intersectional feminist writer who perseveres to impose positive change on a personal and professional level. They live, work, and play in LA. The Wednesday Pivot is their attempt to put their ideas and challenges on the table to connect with a broader community of wellness- and growth-minded folks.
COM|PASSionate Events
Hello, friends. We were wondering around Ojai looking for tarot cards when we found this store and these signs.
The chalkboard sign in front of the "For Sale" signs reads:
"This is a period of divine accomplishment for me. Closed doors are now opening before me. Everything I undertake leads to success in accordance with the highest possibilities of my destiny. I celebrate the abundance and kindness of the Universe."
We know that this world doesn't hold all of us in the same way but we maintain hope that the universe does. In these times when we're remembering and honoring the closed doors and the darkness, we want to also see the light. We want to see "the abundance and kindness of the Universe" reflected in our gathered communities and chosen families.
Love each other this weekend, offer silence to the hearts quieted too soon, and take great care with the ones still beating.
[embed]https://youtu.be/UgWpGLB-QKI[/embed]
EVENTS
Get out, take care of yourself and heal in community!
- SATURDAY 11.21.15 Greet the Day Yoga, Deep Dog, Yorba Linda* (Becca Subbing)
- MONDAY 11.23.15 Summer Flow, Deep Dog, Yorba Linda*
- WEDNESDAY 11.25.15 Midweek Mindfulness Practice, Deep Dog, Yorba Linda*
- THURSDAY 11.26.15 Sunrise Flow, Deep Dog, Yorba Linda* (CANCELLED FOR THANKSGIVING)
- THURSDAY 11.26.15 Bones + Breath Yoga, Deep Dog, Yorba Linda*(CANCELLED FOR THANKSGIVING)
- Special Event!!! Thanksgiving Gratitude Practice at Deep Dog Yoga!
ANNOUNCEMENTS
Don't forget there's lots of upcoming ways to get involved!
- New exciting classes and groups coming to the COM|PASSionate REVOLT Community! Stay tuned!
- In case you missed it we had a guest post for Trans Awareness Week on Tarot Tuesday: A Shot of Testosterone!
- Also, we're excited to be hosting a new blog... The Pivot will be starting on Wednesdays soon to get you through midweek!
In Kindness and Abundance,
The COM|PASSionate REVOLT Community<3
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*Events are put on by the CR Community/CR Community members. Other events are by friends of the CR Community or of interest to the CR Community. Feeling a little nervous about getting out and involved? Email us and if we can we'll make some introductions so you have a friendly face to say "Hi" to when you get there!
**Most of these events will be local to Southern CA (unless we notice an event that sets us off into road trip dreamland.) If you want to do a COM|PASSionate event round-up for your local area let us know!
***Are you an individual, meet-up or community group that has some COM|PASSionate events of your own? Email us for details on how to submit your event to our calendar!
****Have your own story about healing or thoughts on healing? Are you a queer vegan healer? Want to talk to your community about ways you're living consciously and connected? Do you want your blog, org, or event to be featured on one of our running series or want to do an interview introducing yourself to the COM|PASSionate REVOLT Community? Are you a unicorn in a pony world disguising your magickal star dust sprinkling mane to live amongst the commoners?
Pitch us a blog series or interview idea!! Contact us at compassionaterevolt@gmail.com!
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There are photographs in this post that were borrowed lovingly from the internet and do not belong to us. All are linked and credited to the best of our abilities in hopes of attracting more traffic to the photographers and websites who have blessed us with this imagery. The inclusion of a photograph here should not be interpreted as an assertion of the subject's or artist's identity or beliefs. If there is a photo included here that belongs to you and you want it removed, please email compassionaterevolt@gmail.com and it will be removed promptly, no questions asked.
The Pivot: Therapy
Hey friends! We're so excited to debut a new blog series! Please, welcome Ky Anderson and The Pivot to the
!
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A mid-week turning point, an idea that levels you out, gives you something to chew on, and propels you into the weekend. For me the weekend means work, and Wednesday is a respite from the hustle of my day job, a day to get work done, whether that work is chores, self care, research, or personal breakthroughs.
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This week I started therapy. It's not my first attempt; however, it is the first time I have been engaged with the process. Unsurprisingly, knowing the issues I need to address (rather than self-shaming myself into therapy as I have before) is tremendously helpful.
I had been promising myself I would start this process for the better part of a year. The thing about waiting for the right time is that it is ultimately an avoidance tactic. I have been ready to deal with my stuff for a while. Naturally, I found flaws with each candidate I researched and quickly distracted myself with other people--dates, romantic interests, friends, et al. Their strengths bolstered me to a place where I felt I was generally fine. Maybe not great, but ok. I was surviving, but not thriving.
People enter therapy for different reasons. Each time a relationship ended, career path stalled, etc, I’d tell myself, “Now is the time to get to the root of why I keep playing the same records on repeat--now I can figure out why I am how I am.” I want to be better--at communicating, at managing anxiety and stress, at navigating gender issues, at dealing with past traumas, at confronting relationship dynamics. I want to get unstuck from the morass I am trudging through.
I felt simultaneously emboldened and fragile in that first session. It motivated me to purchase "More Than Two.” I devoured it. The accompanying site I explored hinted at the depth of understanding I might glean from the volume and, naturally, I needed all the answers. Still new-ish to poly, I directed myself straight to the chapters on communication, underlining and mentally noting precisely what I intended to bring up to one of my partners the following day. I was nervous/excited for the opportunity for us both to grow.
Well, I never got that chance. The next day my heart was returned to me along with a few personal effects and a cup of over-steeped mint tea. So it goes.
The mere fact that I recognize the emotions I’m feeling as they come and go is a testament to the emotional work I accomplished in the past year. I designed my community to be expansive, supportive and nurturing. Somehow I am still surprised by and in awe of these beautiful people I include in my life, appreciative for the opportunities they afford me to grow and consider new perspectives. And I am grateful for the chance to experience love that nurtured, challenged and pushed me to grow. There are a few things I would have changed, but the experience ultimately changed me and I regret very little. It is a fact that I loved deeply, entrusted my vulnerable heart in their hesitant hands, endured rejection, and lived through the experience. That’s a lot of living for five months. This blog is a path to my own wellness, a challenge to keep me accountable to my own self care. The uniqueness of a blog developed specifically for queer wellness is that it intentionally expands the conversations we have beyond the screen and pushes us to transform this awareness into a practice.
Maybe you practice yoga to heal. Maybe you pull tarot to find direction through an impasse. Maybe you craft a playlist to get you through the most challenging moments. We tell ourselves stories--through poses, through readings, through music, through experiences--in order to live. Whatever your process, this is the space to share it.
This story is my pivot--one of many I choose to share with you as part of my chosen community. This space is a gift intentionally developed for us to connect in our vastly diverse truths and share in the healing that facilitates. What I pen in this space is my lived experience and the ideas that emerge from them. These fractures we endure encourage healing in ways one can never quite predict. What is a wellness site for queers if it cannot help mend and uplift us in a time of immense need? This is what we are here for. Let’s get to work.
See you soon,Ky
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is a genderqueer, intersectional feminist writer who perseveres to impose positive change on a personal and professional level. They live, work, and play in LA. The Wednesday Pivot is their attempt to put their ideas and challenges on the table to connect with a broader community of wellness- and growth-minded folks.