Community is a magnificent and elusive creature. We don’t always find it when we’re desperately looking for it and sometimes it finds us when we’d least expect it.
Back in 2014 I stumbled across a Psychology Today community post looking for submissions for a Contemporary Relationships Conference (run by the graceful powerhouse of a community leader and advocate that is Jeff Lutes) being held in Austin, TX. While I’d long been offering education and workshops in my local community, I hadn’t yet really traveled to speak anywhere. Admittedly, on a bit of a deep breath and a whim, I applied with the workshop, “Queering Consent: Navigating Relationships Outside of the Hetero AND Homo Normative.” I was as terrified as I was excited when I got the thumbs up from the program committee. Was I really going to take my little queer Asian ass to Texas to speak about how to appropriately and radically engage in sex and kink and love with multiple partners at a church (which was where the conference was being held that year)?
I can think of no better example of the magic of queer kismet.
I ran into wonderful community both at the conference and the surrounding area. I marveled at needing to slow down my manic Los Angeles pace to appreciate how being out around town actually had a really similar vibe to being at home in Hawaii if I exchanged the “Tanks eh, bruddahs!” and Locals sandals for some “Welcome ya’lls!” and un-ironic cowboy boots. Post conference I had the immense good fortune of ending up in a group outing to Cheer Up Charlies (still one of my all time favorite queer bars) led by some fabulous locals (amazing safe spaces + gender-affirming radical therapists Lindsay Lege and Adam Mauer). I had amazing vegan biscuits and gravy, became a die-hard fan of Yellowbird hot sauce, and found my favorite Fine Southern Gentleman t-shirt which I love to wear absolutely ironically with cowboy boots and cutoffs or Doc Martens and a tuxedo blazer… it really is an irreplaceable staple wardrobe piece.
Since that first conference, I’ve also presented on destigmatizing porn, helped out with the program committee for the conference (coming up in May!), and also feel really honored to be tapped to take part in the new QTAP (Queer and Trans Affirming Provider) Certification Program as a Board Member, Consultant, and Faculty Provider.
Thanks, ya’ll, you never know where a deep breath and good community is going to take you.
Find out more about The Contemporary Relationships Conference and the inaugural QTAP FastTrack Certification here: https://www.contemporaryrelationships.com/
In queer kismet,
T
Contemporary Relationships Conference